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Monday, February 8, 2016

A Bumpy 2016

It's been a while since I've blogged and so much has happened that I don't think it would be possible to recap on everything.  So I guess I'll just start this off with 2016 ... this has been the bumpiest start to the new year that I've had.  Of course there's law school and the pressures of thinking about life after law school but all of that was expected.  What I didn't expect was to experience the suicide of a long time friend, the first week of the new year.  After that, anything else just seems so minor.  Without really getting into it, this has been the most emotionally confusing narrative I've ever experienced.  I mean, I knew enough about suicide beforehand to understand that "survivors" often experience a range of emotions -- but to actually go through it is so surreal.

For me, there has been no anger really ... just sadness which feels misplaced.  I find myself feeling more sadness thinking about how he felt in his final moments than I do knowing I will never, ever actually see him again.  I've questioned so many things.  Mainly I question my own energy.  I mean I know that there's likely nothing any of us could have said to change his mind but still I wish I'd reached out to him more.  I wish I'd given less of my energy to other things and other people who didn't deserve it -- and spent more energy on making sure all of my friends were okay-- like really okay.  Which is weird because I think this is the opposite of how you're "supposed" to feel ... I always thought you were supposed to feel more inclined to be a friend to all kinds of people and be positive (and I do still want to be a positive person) but mostly I feel like I've wasted time on the wrong people.  I also feel the urge to talk about him and tell people the funny stories we had -- but it's one of those things where I'm sure no one would find them funny since they weren't there, no one in California actually knows him so they wouldn't care, and people tend to get weird when you talk about the dead so that won't work either.  And even if I had someone here to share it with, I'm not sure that I'd be able to tell those stories out loud without crying. I haven't really tried .. but it just seems like it might be overwhelming anyway.

There's really not much of a point to this blog post.  Only to say that in 2016, I'm going to be a better and more appreciative friend to the real ones who have been there with me since day 1.  I'm going to channel my energy into trying to make sure that all my friends 'win' ... And I really really hope that I'll see him on the other side someday.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Goodbye Summer

Honestly, I know I haven't blogged pretty much this entire summer.  I would blame it on my summer job but that would be a lie.  Although I am working at a law firm this summer, I have a lot of down time and I've just been using it all on me.  It was nice to be kind of checked out this summer and worrying only about myself.  I rarely even saw most of my friends and (although I love them) I loved it.  But now that I've realized classes start back up next week, I figured it was time for an update.  It probably won't be in chronological order, but I'll try and update the highlights of my summer!

One of my good friends from undergrad (2nd from the left) graduated last semester and I went to Vegas to celebrate with her and some of my old teammates!  D'Nae was actually my original roommate when I first moved to Louisiana at 18.  It's crazy to think that so much time has passed!  I literally wouldn't trade any of these girls for the world.  We've had some of the wildest, craziest, and best times together.  I never would have guessed, when I first moved to Louisiana, that I would make the life-long friends that I have now.  So here are a few other photos from our Vegas celebration!

When I wasn't in Vegas, I spent a lot of time at the Urth Caffe in Beverly Hills (on my lunch breaks) etc.  Although it's always busy ... it's still a pretty relaxing place to just hang out.  You can also do some decent celeb spotting on a good day.  I've seen a few reality stars and some of the One Tree Hill cast here.  Oh, and Lucy from 7th Heaven.  Unfortunately the only celeb I care to see (David Beckham) has been MIA.  So, perhaps you'll have better luck than I did if you go!

And the last thing I'll add to this update for now is my trip home!  I flew back to Toronto a couple of weeks ago and it was a much needed break from LA!  I actually arrived home right as the PanAm games were ending so it was great!  The city was still extra touristy with a lot more fun things to do, but I didn't have to endure the hustle and bustle (and bad traffic) that came along with the games actually being in session.  Mostly, I just went home because my 4 year old nephew kept asking me when I was coming and no one with a heart and soul could say 'no' to him!  Plus, he doesn't really understand the concept of "I'm broke and plane tickets cost money."  He really wasn't taking 'no' for an answer.

I also made it home, right on time for rib fest!  Rib fest is probably my favorite part about summer in the Toronto area (sorry vegans).

And that's all for now!  Sorry that this update was a little all over the place... but hopefully it was enough to give you an idea of what I've been up to this summer.  Hope you all are having a great summer as well!  Feel free to let me know what you all have been up to!

Sunday, May 31, 2015

Where Have I Been?

Hello all, I know it's been in a while.  If you follow me on Instagram, then you'll know that I've been enjoying my break since school ended.  I start work again tomorrow, so I won't have so much freedom in a few days ... but this past month or so has been amazing.  I've been sleeping ... a lot.  I was in Vegas last weekend for Memorial Day and had a blast!  Best of all, I've been painting!  I was always decent at art as a child and a few months ago I decided to take up painting.  Although I do it for fun, I recently started selling art and it's just a very new and exciting experience for me.

I know I said in my last post that I would return with a proper post and some photos the next time... so here it is.  I will include a few photos of recent pieces I've done so you all can see why I've been so MIA.

Anyway, here's a preview.  If you'd like to see more, you can visit my art Instagram @CanvasesAndControversies

Saturday, May 2, 2015

3L Year, Is That You Playa? Coming Across The Himalayas?

So it's been a minute since I've posted but I just wanted to provide a quick life update.  As of Thursday, I am officially done with my second year of law school.  Well, maybe not officially.  I still have to wait for my grades to come in ... but I'm sure they're great sooo yea, there's that.  It's crazy to think that I am now entering my final year of law school.  I started this blog when I was going through the admissions process and it really does not seem like that long ago.  I literally feel like it was yesterday that I was torn between New York and Miami (and then somehow ended up in California).  It's such a crazy and scary thought.  In either way, I'm so blessed to have made it this far and I definitely look forward to closing out my final year.  I will be back soon with a better update and hopefully some pics to make these posts more visually appealing lol.

Also, I'll be working with one of LA's most well-known attorneys this summer so that is also really exciting.  I'm still deciding if I will say exactly who he is ... but for now, just know that I think it's a really great opportunity so I'm glad that it has come my way!

Til next time!

Monday, March 30, 2015

Life Update In Pictures Part 1

It's been a little while since I've actually written out a real life update so if you've been waiting for one ... today is not your day!  I have so many pictures that I've been meaning to post but with the end of the semester coming along, I just haven't found the time.  So today will be a picture heavy post.  I will try and caption as best I can to give you all an idea of what's been happening.  Here we go!

 As you know, my sister and friend came down to LA a couple of weeks ago to visit me.  Anytime she comes to Cali, my sister practically gets down on her knees and begs me to take her to Moonshadows.  I finally did.  Vanessa, don't say I never did anything for you LOL.

 I brought them to Pepperdine so that they could get a taste of the marvelous view that I never really see because law school life mostly consists of the library and thoughts of self-harm.

 My favorite part of the their visit was gelato from Grom.  I love their gelato, especially the salted caramel flavor with whipped cream! OMG. Heaven on earth. I love it so much. A little pricey but definitely worth it for a once-in-a-while treat!

 We went to the beach in Malibu one evening to watch the sunset.  I got a little chilly so this was my attire.

 We also went to Urth Caffe because obviously that's what all the cool LA bloggers do !

 So here's a story.  There's this coffee shop in Toronto that I love called "Te Aro."  It's on Queen St. E if you're ever in Toronto.  Anyway, they have my favorite coffee and I could never find it anywhere else.  I always assumed that it had something to do with the way they made their coffee (secret ingredients).  But I went to this coffee shop on Larchmont (don't remember the name right now) but they had the same beautiful flavor as Te Aro.  So I was like whaaaa? How can this be?  It was then that I realized that the flavor was in the bean.  So I bought a bag of the fair trade espresso beans from this shop and my life has forever been changed for the better.  Now I enjoy cups of Te Aro and Larchmont iced coffee at home :) Amen.

 Can you tell that I really love food?
Ohh ... and then I also lay out by the pool at my apt sometimes.  The-End ... for now.  Stay tuned for Part 2 of the Life Update in Pictures.

Friday, March 20, 2015

Relationships: Things I've Learned

Since I started law school, I've learned a lot about myself.  I've discovered more about the type of person I am and more importantly, the type of person I want to be.  I know it's no secret but I will still point out that who you are will depend greatly on the people around you.  So when I say "relationships," I am not only talking about intimate relationships.  I am talking about all the interactions we have on a day-to-day basis.  We can't always choose the people around us, but we can decide how and how much we interact with that person.  Making smarter decisions when it comes to the people around you will help you become a much happier, and hopefully a better version of yourself.

1. It is okay to stop caring about people who don't care about you.  Consider it cleansing.
For whatever reason, this has probably been one of the hardest concepts for me.  I was raised to treat people with respect and I strive to do that for the most part.  There is, however, a fine line between treating someone with respect and living to please that person.  Respect is earned.  So if a person cannot show you the respect that you deserve, it really doesn't make sense for you to continue to go out of your way for that person.  This doesn't mean that you should deliberately be rude to them ... it just means that you have to recognize when the time comes to put yourself first.  You don't have to feel bad about ignoring their calls/texts or not actively seeking to be a part of their life.  You cannot feel bad for treating people the way that they treat you.  

2. Just because someone loves you, doesn't mean they know how to love you.
This is also a big one.  Sometimes I tend to let a lot of things slide in relationships because I know that somewhere, deep down, the other person really loves me and cares about me.  I had to realize that although this is important, I cannot use this fact to justify anything that happens in that relationship.  If someone is constantly hurting me, eventually it will not matter how much that person loves me.  If they cannot figure out how to manifest that love in a way that is not detrimental to my being, then that is not the love for me.  It is kind of like separating a person's intent from the result.  They might mean well, but if they cannot do well ... what difference does it make in the end?

3. Forgiveness doesn't make you weak.  Sometimes it opens the door to a newer, better relationship.
I do not want this to become a post about how to cut people out of your life.  I do believe that cutting people out of your life is a valuable skill and often times takes a lot of strength but sometimes, allowing people to re-enter your life can be just as valuable.  Sometimes people do things to us that may seem unforgivable. Personally, I don't really believe there is anything that anyone can do to us that is truly unforgivable (besides like, murder or something).  Forgiveness is a personal decision and although not everyone who hurts us deserves forgiveness, sometimes it is for the best.  I have personally reconnected with people who I never thought I would speak to again and I am honestly so glad that I have.  People change and a lot of times your past negative experiences with a person can lead to a much healthier relationship in the long run.  There is a different kind of strength that comes along with rebuilding a relationship that you thought was beyond repair.  It teaches you to appreciate that person more and in a strange way, it brings hope back into your life.  One of my most transparent friendships right now exists with someone who I hated just three years ago.   But because of what we've been through, I almost feel like I can tell him anything ... that is priceless.  Of course, only you can decide when you're ready to give someone another chance.  I guess my point is that sometimes other people in your life will discourage you from venturing into these new/old/revamped relationships (with good reason).  But if you proceed with caution and keep an open mind, you'll be surprised at the blessings that may be awaiting you on the other side.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Santa Monica Sunshine

Swimsuit Top: Victorias Secret,  Shorts: Garage (Similar : Urban Outfitters), Bag: Longchamp

I'm on Spring Break so my sister and friend are visiting me from Toronto.  It's my friend's first time in  LA so we are doing all the fun touristy things ... like Santa Monica Pier and Third Street Promenade! The weather this week has been more than cooperative so I'm glad that they're actually able to enjoy the Cali sunshine. We mostly just walked around and ate good food ... you know, typical stuff.  We ate dinner at Locanda Del Lago and it was pretty good.  I ordered the tuna tartare and although I didn't appreciate it paired with the plantain chips, separately I was content.  Stay tuned for the rest of our trip lol ...