HOME    /       LAW SCHOOL    /       LOVE&HATE     /       EAT     /      STYLE    /       WORK IT    /       BOOKS     /       HEALTH&FITNESS          

Sunday, November 9, 2014

Maybe It's Not What You Said Or How You Said It ... Maybe It's WHY You Said It

Sometimes we say things in the moment that we don't mean and sometimes our delivery isn't exactly as graceful as we intended for it to be.  I know that I'm guilty of this.  I've said things that I immediately wished I could take back.  That's why I try not to be too harsh when someone says something and it doesn't come out the right way.  But there are times when even if the person had selected different words or used a different tone, those words would have still been hurtful ... because their message was designed to hurt.

I recently had this happen to me.  Without going into too much detail, I will say that I received a text from a person I really care about ... a guy.  Now, it's hard to explain without offering too much information, but I will try to as best I can:

I was supposed to meet up with him briefly for something.  He replied that we would have to postpone.  I assumed he was tired from working all day.  He proceeded to tell me that actually he was not ... and then without my asking, told me his actual plans for the evening ... with another girl. He was pretty explicit.

First off, I was hurt by the information alone.  I mean, he's free to do what he wants I suppose ... but this wasn't something I necessarily wanted to hear.  He's a smart guy-- he knew that.  He 100% knew that I never wanted to know that information. Which made me wonder: why did he say it? Maybe you  guys can think of a million different reasons ... but the only one I could come up with is, he wanted to hurt me.  I can't help but think that he wanted me to feel something when I read that message and he couldn't have intended for me to feel good. How could that make me feel anything but awful?

I mean, I'm not him ... I'm not in his mind, so I can't dissect why he would want to make me feel a certain way.  I just know that the most important thing isn't what you say or how you say it ... it is always, always WHY.

So I'm opening the question up... please clarify this for me ... because I'm feeling beyond disrespected.

17 comments:

  1. Maybe his intention was to make you jealous? Either way I think jealousy is a form of a hurt so its wrong. Why would you want to make someone hurt in any kind of way. sorry this happened to you :(

    ReplyDelete
  2. Maybe his intention was to make you jealous? Either way I think jealousy is a type of hurt so its still wrong. Why would you want to make someone hurt in any way. Sorry this happened to you :(

    ReplyDelete
  3. 1. You need to ask him what was up with that text- he needs to explain
    2. Girl we need more details then that! Spill ! What are you going to do next?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps in a follow-up post if I can think of a way to delicately share my story. I love sharing with everyone and I use this as my outlet ... but I also don't want to ever disrespect the people in my life by broadcasting things that they never intended anyone else to hear. Although I suppose since you don't know who he is anyway, it doesn't matter :)

      Delete
  4. I believe he was trying to make you jealous or just to plan out hurt you. I don't know y'all relationship but also maybe he's doing this in retaliation from what you probably did to him. Who knows?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hm. I honestly don't feel I've done anything that warrants such retaliation. But perhaps. Thanks for commenting :)

      Delete
  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Guys are C-H-I-L-D-I-S-H!!! He definitely wanted to make you jealous which is a very childish thing to do. I will place a wager that he probably didn't go anywhere and his intentions were simply to make you jealous. I personally over think every.single.thing. Every word, detail or punctuations, I will overthink so this might just be me overthinking. Do you think the feelings are mutual because if they are, guys would do childish things like this to confirm if you feel the same way. Your response to his gibberish about the girl would have confirmed that for him but if the feelings are not mutual, then his intention were simply to hurt you which makes no sense so I'm going with the first option but you eventually need to ask me especially if you care about him.
    I'm sorry this happened to you, jenn. :(

    Jully @ www.juelsengels.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't think he would lie, so I believe him. Which is why I felt that it was done deliberately to hurt me. But I guess that's something I'll never really know ... even if I ask. Thanks for commenting. I always look forward to reading your response :)

      Delete
  7. Lovely blog! Would you like to follow each other?
    Check out my blog and facebook page:
    www.wajihaslifediary.blogspot.com
    https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=337766586400230&fref=ts
    Instagram: Wajiha_Shakeel_Ahmed

    ReplyDelete
  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Can you write a post about what you're going to do now following this situation and how you deal with it? I think we'd all like to know what you decide to do moving forward? Are you going to talk to him about it? Are you ever going to talk to him again at all

    ReplyDelete
  10. Can you write a post about how you're going to deal with the situation. I think we'd all like to know how you will handle it? Are you going to talk to him about it ? Are you ever going to talk to him again at all?

    ReplyDelete
  11. I don't know you're exact relationship, but if it's anything remotely romantic or has the potential to be then I suggest reading "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov. That book completely changed the way I think about men and how I approach/respond/act/portray myself to them. My suggestion: distance yourself from him by making more time for you and other people you care about. Showing him that you're hurt or upset or that his comments affected you in any way is basically like you rewarding him for bad behavior. It's like if a puppy pees in the house, you don't give the puppy a bunch of attention and whine and cry to it; you put the puppy's nose where it went to the bathroom, pop it on the booty, and put it outside.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol I actually did read that book a few years back-- perhaps I should re-read it ! Thanks for the suggestion :) Hope everything is going well in Tennessee !

      Delete

I love reading your comments and I always make an effort to respond to each and every one of them :)

Thanks for visiting !